認識葉蒂芬其實很久了，算一算八九年了。當我要寫說葉蒂芬是誰，特別是給那些不認識她的人的話，我突然想到一個爛梗，就是 Facebook 上有一陣子有人在傳一個測驗，點了測驗之後就會顯示一個圖片寫道「葉蒂芬五千萬年前是一隻三葉蟲，到了十萬年變成現今這個模樣」之類的，很白癡的內容。為什麼會這樣想，是因為對我來說，蒂芬從我認識一直到一年前，都是高不可及深不可測的怪人。她一直是那個功課超好、很有想法、鋼琴很棒、聖經很熟、還有一大堆寫不下的東西。最重要的，大概還有包括她是學姐…。

她大部分的時候是一個完美主義者，很多事情都要做到最好，至少別人看到的，都是那些做到最好的事情。她功課一向是名列前茅，又是樂隊指揮、合唱團團員等等，不管課內課外都有優秀的表現。她是土生土長的臺灣人，卻異常美式作風。但是至少我很開心地知道她私下不是一個對人要求嚴苛的人，而是樂意溫柔地不用站在檯面上、不用是那個什麼事都要完美的人。跟她優秀的表現不同的是，她不是一個事業心很強的人，她是一個期望安定與穩定生活的人。她是一個愛下廚、更愛請人吃飯的人。她喜歡招待人。她喜歡用她自己的方式關心人。她怕別人靠她太近太黏，但是她非常樂意照顧身邊的人。

她一直想要考音樂系，卻最後去了臺大社會系。她在社會系時常拿到書卷獎，也一路被老師栽培走上－－她不想成為的－－明星學者的路。她臺大畢業之後考上了世界排名第一的威大社會系博士班。她覺得她似乎必須在這地方待下五年八年，一直到拿到博士學位，然後去一個名校當社會系教授。

她是一個乖寶寶，一向照著別人的期待做事情，但當她決定不照別人期待來做事情的時候，她的決定就遠超出眾人的意料之外。她毅然決然把讀了四年的博士班放棄而以原本副修的音樂系鋼琴合作組碩士來畢業。也是這個勇敢的決定才讓我們兩個有機會重新認識。

我們重新認識的故事，大家可以去這裡來看，但希望我有讓你們知道蒂芬是誰，以及她對我來說是誰。

-韡函

It’s been at least 8 or 9 years since I’ve known Tiffany but until a year ago she was someone on another planet. She is one of those, pardon me, freaks, who always gets the highest marks in exams and is good at almost everything at school. She thinks a lot, and when she puts those into words on blogs or other places, they are always beautifully written. She loves music, plays the piano, sings, once played the bassoon, and even conducted her middle school band. She knows the Bible well and is a person of faith. These all left me with a strong impression of her, but strangely we’ve never talked much.

She is definitely a perfectionist most of the time. She does great at whatever school she goes to and whatever work she’s assigned. Although being born and raised in Taiwan in a rather traditional family, she does things in a non-traditional, rather western, way and often views things differently from her peers. She has always been successful in the eyes of others, but, in private, she is a soft and gentle person who is happy to let others take the centre stage. She is also not a person pursuing a successful career. She would actually rather stay home and cook nice meals for her guests… She likes to humbly serve others. She likes to care for others in her own way – she cannot stand if someone (needy?) is too close to her, but she loves to take care of people around her, help and support them, and pray for them.

She always wanted to study music, but instead, she went to the top university in the country, the National Taiwan University, and studied sociology. She was indeed a high-flyer in college and expected by her professors to have a successful career in the academia. After finishing her degree, she moved to Wisconsin and started her doctoral studies at – this time, not the best sociology department of a nation but on our planet – UW-Madison.

She has always been the ‘good girl’ type of person and followed her parents’ and teachers’ expectations, but when she decided otherwise, her decisions are huge and totally unexpected. She dropped out of her sociology PhD course after four years in the program and started instead a master’s program in collaborative piano. It is this decision that eventually led to our re-connection, and, of course, our relationship and our expected marriage. For our story of reconnecting, click here.

– Wilbur